I was in the shower this morning (where I do most of my thinking....sorry, try not to think about it too much) contemplating this little blog and how my life has gotten so full of late. Massive guilt for not posting overwhelmed me and I had to tell myself to stop. Take a breath and think about all the things I've been doing the last few weeks. I have a creative friend or two who are in full apology mode, always saying I wish I could have done more. To them, and, I admit, I am one of those "friends", I say, you do more than you realize. If you have young (or even grown up kids, right, Mom?), you give them copious amounts of your time, for good reasons. They need you. They need you to be there, to guide them, to wipe noses, and kiss boo-boos, and commiserate about broken hearts and hurt feelings. You willingly make sacrifices for them to have all the good things and the time you could be spending nurturing your own interests, so that they will become wonderful adults. That takes a lot of time. It's ok. And in case no one has told you lately, you're doing a great job.
I have a lovely friend, who has a lovely husband...really, both are the cream of the crop. I recently overheard her apologizing to her lovely hubby for not being there while she was taking some much deserved time to herself. How many of us do that? I'd venture to say...uh.... nearly all of us. No matter how wonderful and involved our husbands and partners are, they aren't us. They can never be us. And that's ok. That's why you're you and he's him (or however your relationship is set up). I've realized that being the mom means you may see something that needs to be done or needs attention when you partner may not. It's like special mom vision, that goes along with the eyes in the back of your head.
I'm not going to get into a discussion about gender roles here, but I assume in saying this, that you already know that a mom is a mom and a dad is a dad. Or, maybe you have the privilege of being someone's favorite aunt or grandparent or teacher, which is also a great responsibility. Speaking from my own experience with my niece and nephew, I love them as if they are my own, but I also can be a friend to them, while letting my sister and brother-in-law have the hard part of raising them. It's one of my favorite roles in life.
After 3 paragraphs, let me get to the point, right? Being an adult role model for a child is a full time job. I make choices as their mom that I may not have made as that 22 year old college student. Sometimes I miss that freedom, but I choose to see it as just another chapter in my life (it's because I have all those books...). This "Mom" chapter is definitely a highlight of my story, and I don't want to feel the guilt in abandoning the world conquering college grad chapter or the spunky high school student chapter or the young married chapter. They are all a part of my story. It's a story rich with everyday miracles, choices, falls and missteps, successes and surprises. It's my story, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
